M.I.A.

HI I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN M.I.A. FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS. Finals are over. And life has been fun. And happy. I only have so much time to be with the people I've grown to love so much. And I just haven't felt compelled to write anything. Deal with it. All I wanna do is dance in my room to the aforementioned song.

HAPPY FINALS AND HAPPY SUMMER!

Treat Yo'self.

Take this:

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Rain. And if I had a cat with me, today would be all the better.

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A happy me.

Life right now life has been busy, busy, busy. But I am so happy. I met a bunch of sisters going on my mission via facebook and it's been wonderful to connect with them. I've been exercising everyday and it feels so good to take care of my body--God is proud of us when we take care of our gifts. Life is just HAPPY. So treat yourself today.

Flowin'

I had a school project where I had to do an activity that I've never done before and write about "flow," which is when you just have a really nice mix between your competence level and the challenge level of the activity. In flow you lose track of time because you are so focused on what you are working on and you feel like there is nothing on the outside that could possibly distract you. Super cool stuff. There are lots of times when we get into flow. For me, I get into flow when I'm on stage, or on a hard bike ride, or reading a book. I feel like I am transcending reality when I do these things. Often, when we try something new, we can feel flow. SO. For my experiment of creating flow, I decided to figure out how to make a video. I am still a rookie, for sure, but here it is!

Canteen filling.

It's not what you think. I haven't kissed a guy in ages. And I most likely definitely probably won't before my mission. SO. I'm not even considering dating someone before I go. It's too late anyway! Tell me how easy it would be to start up a worthwhile relationship within two months. Yeah. No. Especially  since it's me we're talkin' about.

But every little thing counts right? Especially if you lived in China recently and had no contact that you wanted to have with the opposite gender.

Let's give a maybe not so hypothetical situation. McCall sees cute boy in ward. Cute boy in ward talks to me once. Cute boy has cute glasses. Cute boy is roommate's home teacher. Other roommate knows that I kinda fancy this boy. Roommate comes in room, whispers that he is here. McCall gets on cute clothes and grabs her empty cup of water. McCall walks out to the kitchen to get water. McCall discreetly waves to cute boy and walks back to her room.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I was laughing so hard! I go into my room to tell Natalie and then I'm like...."I don't even care about dating! Whhhhat the." But, hey, it made me happy. And I'm just filling my canteen with flirtations.

Divine Skies

I want on a baby hike with Shelby yesterday. There's just something about nature that I crave more and more.

There is always something new to be discovered on the side of the mountains bordering Kaysville. You really can never run out of places to explore. I always feel a sense of peace and wonder. Physically and spiritually, I feel closer to heaven and am in awe of the beauty of this earth.

The view is breath-taking. It starts with the valley below with everyone living their lives--coming home from work, playing with their kids, reading outside. My house and all my memories growing up are in sight.

Then, I look up at the sky, at the swirling clouds and the glaring light. I think of the atmosphere and the infinite universe. I am so small, but there's a divinity inside of me that is everywhere, in everyone, because of Him. He created this for me, for you, for everyone we love.

"Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder

Consider all the works thy hand hath made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to thee.

How great thou art, how great thou art." --Stuart K. Hine.

We are His hands.

I've had a couple experiences lately where I was given the opportunity to reach out to someone but for one reason or another I was holding myself back--social norms, too busy, wanted to use my time doing something else, just plain scared of that person's reaction, I would look weak, etc.

And every time I have chosen to heed that prompting, something beautiful has happened that turned out to be an answer not only to their prayers, but my prayers.

"With this in mind, let our hearts and hands be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path. As disciples of Jesus Christ, our Master, we are called to support and heal rather than condemn. We are commanded 'to mourn with those that mourn' and 'comfort those that stand in need of comfort.'"   

^{--Elder Uchtdorf}

My first grader brightening my day with a gift.

Live Deliberately

So Happy Togetherrrrr

Blindsight. A movie about a humanitarian group that takes blind kids from Tibet up to the Advanced Base Camp of Mount Everest--about 21,000 feet. SO INSPIRING. Now I'm like...man. If they can climb Everest, I CAN. Sometimes I feel like I need to be already experienced in stuff like this but it's like...no, you don't! These kids had zero experience and were blind. Somethin' to think about!

At the end this kid is singing and my heart meeeelted--I am seriously missing my kids from over there and this made me smile. Have a wonderful day!

Space.

Creating a Good Life. This class is where I've been getting most of my gems and transferring them on to here. And here I am, with yet another topic to discuss. We're talking about the impact on media in creating a good life and having authentic happiness. 

Guys. This is gonna be a long one but I promise it'll at least make you think.

Sometimes technology is great in the way it can connect us with loved ones miles away.

It also can create quite dire circumstances. A quote from the book, Hamlet's Blackberry, just...it's like....BOOM. Okay. I'm like scared to type it because it's so flipping true and I'm about to throw it out into the digital universe. And I also really don't know any other way to introduce it. 

"....tethered to our screen."

Ouch. When you read that do you just feel like you're a sickly cow tied up against a fence post? I just. It's so dang true!!! How many times do I check my phone to see if I have a message or a call. I'm bored,   thus I go on facebook. I'M RELIEVING MY BOREDOM THROUGH LOOKING AT A DIGITAL SCREEN. This is a great way to spend my life, people. 

Most of us kiddos in my generation really don't know what it's like to be alone. Think about it. I decide to take a nice drive of solitude to a field or something and I'm all thinking I'm completely alone--when really I can connect with everyone I know by pushing a few buttons on my cellular device. And I find myself aching for someone to contact me or vice versa....but for some reason don't feel like I have the power to drive up to their house and found out how that person is really doing. Truly connecting with that person.

But really, how liberating is it when you go somewhere without your phone? No interuptions, no distractions. Just you and who you are with and where you are.

"Advertisements pitch everything form cars to cola as instruments of self-expression and liberation, though they're really the opposite. Be a rebel, wear the shoes everyone else is wearing.

I still struggle to ignore these messages. But when I succeed at standing apart, the payoff is enormous, and not just in a selfish way. The best kind of aloneness is expansive and generous. To enjoy your own company is to be at ease not just with yourself but with everyone and everything in the universe. When you're inwardly content, you don't need others to prop you up, so you can think about them more freely and generously. Paradoxically enough, separation is the way to empathy. In solitude we meet not just ourselves but all other selves, and it turns out we hardly knew them."

How many times have I been like, "If I just have this shirt that everyone has, it will be a nice outward expression of who I am." Something along those lines happened in my head. What? 

And I feel like I am "connecting" with people as I look at their pictures on facebook about their trip to wherever or that date with whoever. Whatever happened to actually asking someone first-handedly? Or Pinterest. I know I have lots of projects where I think it would be fun...but what about actually doing them? The nerve.

"In less connected times, human beings were forced to shape their own interior sense of identity and worth--to become self-sufficient. By virtue of its interactivity, the digital medium is a source of constant confirmation that, yes, you do indeed exist and matter."

A lot of the time, I feel like who I am on the internet defines who I am--the pictures I share, my blog posts. Although these things aren't bad, sometimes I feel a sense of loss of who I am when I think about what people see on my profile. Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? It's a sad truth I hate to admit, but I feel validated whenever I get a comment or a like. 

I'm not condemning the use of screens. But, I want to allow myself space between times of screen. This way I can really, truly take advantage of the connectedness that does happen in the digital universe. But it can't be appreciated if the chance isn't given. Give yourself some space.

Twice up the barrel, once down the side, my friends.

P.S. This post is dedicated to Kira Johnson because she is like a walking testimony of this concept. Hi, I love you.

GIVE ME SUMMER NOW

I try so hard. Every year it's a struggle and I'm DONE. I try. And try. And TRY GOSH DANGIT.

But I can't seem to pretend I like the cold for too long. Spring just starts a-callin' and I'm like "Be there soon in my shorts (now knee length! Once I find some....curses world standards of fashion!) and un-showered hair in my car with the windas rolled down." Seriously. Laying outside, lemonade, parades, camping, hikes, playing in the sun, warm blue nights, warmth in general, can't come soon enough!

Luuuuckily, my Dad was kind enough to take us crazy kids along to St. George with him this weekend while he golfed. Love that guy.

And I love St. George.

Jumpin' in Mini-Moab

I hope one day to have a love like their's.

My cute bro.

Forever family.

The sun just makes me wanna be artsy?

Dumas is my Valentine

Guys, today was the best Valentine's Day. Usually I pretend it's a normal day and maaaaybe remember to wear some pink. But then I read this and realized that Valentine's doesn't have to be about loving my romantic love interest (who is currently non-existant. HI CITIZENS OF SOUTH CAROLINA!), but I can make a special effort to love everyone. Strangers, friends, classmates, family. And it turned out to be such a fulfilling day talking to strangers and also people I know (don't worry) and creating deeper bonds with them than I normally do.

What else made today special? Weeeell. Some friends and I resolved that we're sick of not being able to read for leisure during school so we started a book club. Now we have to read books we like! And it's nice to escape to fun little cafes like Cafe on 1st.

 For January we read The Count of Monte Cristo. Mmm. Amazing book. If you haven't read it, I suggest you should. Even if you can't read. Have someone read it to you, it's that good. Emma would take it on a deserted island with her and nothing else. Not even food.

Laughing and eating curry.

Treated myself to an awesome 'do today! 

Love it when we talk literature--and life.

Huggin' Trees

Let me tell you a little known fact about me. Actually, I don't know how little known it is. BUT. Whatever. I love this earth and I think it's super important we take care of it.

I actually was vegetarian for a year. Not for health reasons but to SAVE THE ANIMALS!!! Then I started craving meat and I was like whhhaaaa?? And my mom showed me scriptures of how the beasts of the earth and fowls of the air were for our consumption. Halright. And now I love all meats and steaks and burgers and chickens. 

Muir Woods

Let me tell you what brought up this tree-huggin' thing today though. In my text book I read that if you put all the pavement in the world together, it would take up 38 BILLION FOOTBALL FIELDS. No. True story. Down with deforestation. 

AND. Daily, Americans consume 120 pounds of stuff. That's like...3/4 of me a day--you don't have to do the math. Like. Really. Just believe it's like 3/4 of me. Crazy stuff right?

I just believe that this Earth has a soul. And it feels. And it gives a lot to us. So I wanna focus even more on giving back.

spring swaps snow for leaves

Don't you hate/love it when Mumford and the gang are right?

"Winter Winds"

As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts

Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms

Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?

For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt

And my head told my heart

"Let love grow"

But my heart told my head

"This time no

This time no"

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl

And the time we were given will be left for the world

The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague

So let the memories be good for those who stay

And my head told my heart

"Let love grow"

But my heart told my head

"This time no"

Yes, my heart told my head

"This time no

This time no"

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved

Was the same that sent me into your arms

Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone

And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep

Remember spring swaps snow for leaves

You'll be happy and wholesome again

When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart

"Let love grow"

But my heart told my head

"This time no"

And my head told my heart

"Let love grow"

But my heart told my head

"This time no

This time no"

Sometimes, your heart or spirit just knows when your mind doesn't. 

strangers and all things that are good.

First off, it is one of the best things to exchange smiles with a stranger on campus. Or just anywhere. 

Also delightful when random stranger stops you and asks for your number. I'm not bragging. THISNEVERHAPPENSTOME. Hilarious. Made my day. What didn't make my day was the fact he was shorter than me. :/ Eh. Counts for something!

Another thing I'd like to bring to your attention: we work waaay too much in our society. In one of my classes we've been discussing how America needs to take back it's time and slooooow down. And whenever we do something leisurely we feel guilty because we feel like we're not being productive. 

Let me tell you something. By law, people in Europe get AT LEAST four weeks of vacation per year. America? One. One lousy week. Guess who is more productive? Youuuu guessed it. 

Let's have some commentary on a few quotes in my textbook, shall we?

"Even the majority of slaves in the ancient world and serfs during the Middle Ages did not work as hard, as regularly, or as long as we do."

WAT. All these years I thought that serfs and peasants and things worked like crazy. Nope, that's us.

"If you want your dreams to grow, take your time, go slowly,

Do few things but do them well, simple gifts are holy."

Amen and amen. Simplicity my friends. That is what makes you savor.

"There is a teaching we call Shabbat ('Sabbath') and comes from the Hebrew verb for pausing or ceasing. In Exodus 20:8-11, the reason given for the Sabbath is to recall Creation; in Deuteronomy 5:12-15, it is to free all of us from slavery."

How cool is that? I love the phrase "recall Creation." Why do you think it's called REcreation? Because we are recreating something and using our gift to create.

"Human life is primarily qualitative. It consists of thinking, knowing, communing, loving, serving, and giving rather than in having or enjoying. Its supreme demand is that we should know more and love more, and that we should strive to know the best that is to be known and to love the best that is to be loved."

Just beautiful. The book continues to describe how we work in order to have or enjoy. Really, working should just be a means to leisure. Beautiful. This is like the worst predicament for American society. We could even get out of debt if we worked 6 hours! Think about it. And we would have a better sense of community. And less depression. Less expectations of ourselves. Less all things that are bad.

We can talk more deeply about it sometime if you like. I'd love to.

Now, all things that are good:

Spinning Madly On

Train Lovin'

That's all.

Called To Serve Him.

I have been called to serve in the South Carolina Columbia Mission and I leave May 29th!!

I am thrilled to be going there and I know that is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. I couldn't be any happier. I was surrounded by so many friends and family and I am so grateful for them in my life.

Also, South Carolina is beautiful.

I dunno...it's not too ugly, either.

P.S. My mission pres? Jef Holm's dad. Holla.

Savor.

Today we had a forum at BYU by a guy named Michael Wesch. I don't feel like looking up/telling you all his awesome credentials. Blah, blah he's a professor somewhere and collaborates with National Geographic. Super cool!

He lived in New Guinea for about 8 years...I can't remember why. Probs for Nat Geo. He talked about how he felt so humbled and lost this sense of self because his whole life his self was built up on media and telling people what he was up to on Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Being so far removed from the so-called social scene that media provides, he had to find himself again. And even though it was hard and so depressing, he focused on the beauty that there was in this. His capacity to learn was so much greater because he was humble and willing.

One day he was crying and went in the mountains by the village. Two guys walked up to him and by the time they reached him were also crying. And they had no idea why Michael was even crying! Because these people in New Guinea don't have social media to connect, ooobviously their ability to connect in person is astounding. There is so much empathy. He put it best: "When there is a shared vulnerability, then empathy blossoms." Isn't that beautiful?

And in our society, our ability for empathy is nearly lost. We're so used to sending our condolences or congratulations over Facebook or via text. What is up with that?!

He talked about savoring the now--where you are, the people you're with. And he shared a video of snowfall in New Zealand in a place where they hardly ever see snow. And it's so cool to see how people savor something so simple!

There is zest in every moment of our lives if we just find it.

Letting it happen.

I think sometimes I feel like I have the power to make things happen--and I do! But, sometimes you just have to let it happen, instead.

"You just do your best to give and to love those around you, and do what you love. Stay close to Heavenly Father. Gain confidence in yourself for your mission and for your career path. Find all those things.

And then, if someone wants to join in on everything good that you are, fantastic. And if not, you are happy and whole." --Shelby


Sometimes I over-think things. I dunno if this post is too personal or what. And I haven't even had a major break-up or anything. But I know the dating world out there is fierce. It's wild. It gets you down. It eats you up. You stay strong, my friends.

Also, newsflash! I'm going on a mission and I'm waiting ever so anxiously for my call! Faith is in the air around here. I'm on a path and the only place that is bright is where I'm standing and a step ahead. Two steps ahead is pure darkness. So I'm having faith.

Positive Psychology

I'M SORRY I'M OBSESSED WITH MY MAJOR. So. Just had to get that out there because I feel like I'll be talking about it a lot for the rest of my life. It will be my life.

There's this thing called positive psychology. The premise is that through the history of psychology, all that has been studied is disorders and how to alleviate symptoms or erase them all together through therapies, medications, etc. But what about those times where you're just living life and you wouldn't really classify yourself as having a mental disorder at the moment?

There's this guy, Martin Seligman, along with a few other psychologists that have been spearheading this question of "What causes authentic happiness? How can we make it grow?" According to lots of studies, happiness is 50% genetic, or your set range, 10% circumstantial, and 40% variable by choice. Therefore, some people are naturally more capable of being happy than others, that circumstances like having a constant love interest or a nice house will make you happy only for awhile, and that we actually have a choice of how happy we are. That's cool. I'll probs use those last few sentences in a paper sometime. I dunno.

So that's the basis. And there's this book that we are reading in one of my classes called Authentic Happiness by Seligman and he talks about how we can change our positive affectivity for the better by realizing our strengths--not to focus on our weaknesses, ever. Because your strengths will crowd out your weaknesses. Which is true! And I totally recommend taking the strengths test on the site. It's a definite eye-opener.

Remember Brene Brown and courage? When we see the beauty in ourselves and live whole-heartedly because we're not ashamed of who we are, then we are SO happy. So many different studies have proved this. Think about those people you know who are always down on themselves and don't love who they are...do you think they are happy? Is it easier or harder to go outside of themselves? You tell me.

My first day we had to read a couple chapters in Authentic Happiness and I could not STOP marking it up. I loved it so much. There are so many little gems of wisdom. Ready? OKAY LET'S GO.

"We all contain ancient strengths inside of us that we may not know about until we are truly challenged."

"Authentic happiness derives from raising the bar for yourself, not rating yourself against others."

"When we are happy, we are less self-focused, we like others more, and we want to share our good fortune even with strangers."

"The highest joys, it turns out, sometimes follow relief form our worst fears."

"Religions instill hope for the future and create meaning in life."

"Building strength and virtue is not about learning, training or conditioning, but about discovery, creation, and ownership."

Just read the dang book. There's sooo much more that I can't possibly quote because I'd just have to type the whole book. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO' THAT!

Good evening and good night!

Curiosity.

“We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers.” – Carl Sagan

Highlights.

Lemme tell you something about America. I LOVE IT. The snow, the people, the mountains, the beds, the showers, the food, the people, the culture, the school, the adventure, the people. Some of these things I came to love because I didn't have them in China. Others of these things I came to love because I learned to appreciate that I had them in China and everywhere in my life. People mostly fit in this category. And adventure. What are the highlights so far?

Let's start with my major. You know you are in the right major when you can't even choose a favorite or least favorite class because you love it all! And I love the people in my classes. MAN, PEOPLE. Love 'em. And I get to volunteer for my major so I think I'm going to hang out with my homies at a nursing home down the street.

And the material in my classes! I can't get over it. It's all about happiness and how to create happiness especially through recreation and leisure. This is ground breaking stuff. I'll probs write a whole post dedicated to quotes in my text books, no lie.

Another highlight: Grandma Simmons. She's 94 (I think) and a delight to visit. I saw her the other day and I happened to be wearing a hat I crocheted that is bright and made with every color of the rainbow. She kept eying my hat and eventually mustered the courage to ask if I'd make one for her. She's so dang cute! This is the grandma that had bright green shaggy carpet. So. I think she'd love it.

I also went to my dear friend, Marissa's farewell. And her talk was PHENOMENAL. All about courage--having it to act, to accept yourself and others, etc. It was so touching and I know was felt in so many hearts. After, we all crowded around the piano and sang hymns. And I felt like we were all part of God's army. Which we are.


I dunno. I can't even begin to give all the reasons why life is great. And of course I get discouraged, but it's so GOOD. I look at the snowy mountains and think how grateful I am for every moment of life--right now.

And here's a pretty picture...I may or may not be here SOON.

Special Space

I had a chance to spend just a few moments in one of my favorite spaces on this Earth. I couldn't help but breathe in and out slowly and with care like I had done so many times treading those boards.

It was so powerful to be there again, breathe, look out, and remember what it was like looking out at those seats whether they were filled with family, friends, strangers or just completely empty--a place to release my whole heart, body, mind and soul to anyone who would take it.

And I remembered, I can experience this anywhere. And I have. This stage was only the beginning.

THE WORD

Spirit [spir-it]
n. an attitude or principle that inspires, animates, or pervades thought, feeling, or action. With spirit, she had the courage to live life whole-heartedly.

Origin: 
1200–50; Middle English  (noun) < Latin spīritus  orig., a breathing, equivalent to spīri-,  combining form representing spīrāre  to breathe+ -tus  suffix of v. action


THE RESOLUTIONS:

Give my time to those in need, visit cute old people, give goodies, make dinner for someone, write letters, visit friends...less time on the internet or doing nothing. Why not do the things worth doing?

Open my whole heart to everyone I come in contact with, say what I feel, be open minded

Share my talents more often

Change it if it's worth changing. Do it if it's worth doing. (As in, do the freaking SWEET stuff I have on my monthly bucket list)

Define each day with a quote/work of art/song

Keep my room CLEAN. Yeah...it's like I'm 5 still. But this'll bring the Spirit into my life.


I thought long and hard about what the word would be this year. My resolutions aren't necessarily record-able but these are things that I want to work on this year and need in my character. It's a little different! I feel like Spirit is all-encompassing for what I wanted. It went from Selfless to Charity to Courage and then finally to Spirit and it just worked with all that I wanted and for the things that I have in store for me this year. I've got some big and constant changes ahead and I need the the Lord's Spirit to guide me and my own guiding Spirit to motivate me to do the things I want to do with my time. Man. Life is GOOD.