I will hold on hope...

So. No MDT for me, but Theater Education is the place to be! Yes, that rhymed...it just came out that way so I kept it. I'm really excited to get art back into my life. It needs to be there. Sometimes, I think aboutthis choice, and I don't have a lot of hope. What if I don't get a job? What if I do find a job and there's only, like, four kids in my class? What if I...am a terrible teacher? What if I'm Ms. Jarman in theater form? AND then, I was like, what if nobody wants to marry me? I was getting to worried. I'd end up job-less AND man-less, and I was really scared, but something inside me said, "It's not about knowing, it's about having faith." Ga!! Ok, fine, Holy Spirit, you're right." Life is gonna work out, I have faith that it will. It's a good time.

This past Sunday, I went to visit my Grandma and Great Aunt Marion with my sister. Amidst all my worries for the future, this was something that calmed me. I look at these two women, who have been through so much, but they just kept going through life. They are such good examples to me. Aunt Marion was married to the love of her life and had ten children, but her husband was tragically taken in a plane crash. But, she is so happy and has faith she will see him again. She raised her kids with a smile on her face. She has such a love for life and I want to be like that! She made me realize life is an adventure, which is something I've forgotten lately and I feel like I've been losing myself. Aunt Marion told me and Ashley to get a boyfriend (hahaha...maybe, definitely, not right now) and go out dancing (to bad this isn't the 50's... :( ). But it's true! Go out there and make life happen. :)

I've been finding a lot of strength from my grandparents. Good people.

hahaha! So. This is me, when my life is lived. Because it'll be a good life. Peace out!!

I'm good at this...?

So, obviously I'm super good at this whole blogging thing....I'm so on top of it....riiiiight. Life is busy k?! But life has been good. Here's the low-down:

College generally makes you feel stupid. Just throwing that out there. Everyone else is SO stinkin' smart! My first couple of tests I got C's. Yeah. I got C's. And of course I called my mom crying and she, being the wise person she always is, said that the only way for us to grow if it's a challenge. And this is something I've always known, but something I forget. Mother knows best....right!?

I love my roommates. I love my ward. I'm making good friends. GOOOOD friends ;) you know...good friends. Hahaha....yeah....Loving it. It's a party. I still feel lonely even though I'm meeting so many people. Tonight was good because I got to go out to dinner with Shelby. It was woooonderful to be with someone so close and dear to me. I love you!

I love theater. With a passion. It is my passion. But I was raised to choose a career that was practical and would support me if I ever needed it. So naturally I would always push theater out of my mind whenever I considered it as a career or even just a major. But THEN my mom has brought it up a few times that I should consider it, which I thought was rather shocking to hear that from her! This past weekend she brought it up again, and I though to myself, "hmmm...maybe I should look into this." I did research, looked up what it would take and BAM, I need to send in my audition tape in less than a freaking month. Here's my window of opportunity! But I still wasn't sure if it was really right for me, even though I wanted theater sooo badly. Then, everything just began to fall into place. Sunday, Sacrament was on personal revelation. PERFECT. Just what I need during this decision time. Then I went to the temple with my roommates, Iris and Shayne, and I prayed and prayed and read my patriarchal blessing. As I was reading, things were jumping out at me, screaming for me to at least audition for MDT. After I finished reading my blessing, the Spirit whispered to me: open the scriptures to Alma. Well alright! I open my scriptures to Alma 56. And you know what it says? "We do not doubt, our mothers knew it." Alright! I know what I need to do! And the spirit was so strong. I felt so good. And scared. But peaceful. I called my mom up and I just bawled, to be honest. So I'm jumping in. The odds are...insane. 16/150 chance I'll get in, but I've beaten those odds before. I can surely do it again!!! Especially if it's where I need to be. And if I don't make it in, it was an experience I needed to help me grow. After all, you still learn in the audition process. God works in awesome ways. :)

Along the same lines, I was on campus one day last week.and I had some extra time. And something told me (it was probably the Spirit, let's be real) that I should go to the HFAC and check out the theater audition board. So I go check it out, and they are having auditions for Love's Labour's Lost! And before I knew it, I had a pen in my hand and I was writing my name down on that audition sign-up. It was like my body was taking over my mind!!!! And then I had this huge adrenaline rush. And then I went to find monologues immediately. I'm so excited! So then, it's Saturday right? And I see that there is a workshop/lecture for the audition at the same time as the football game. And let's be honest, I kinda was planning on going to the game. But then, everyone that I would've gone to the game with was busy. IT'S A SIGN!!!! Hahaha...or at least I just decided, "Welp! I'm going to that lecture." And let me say...it. was. phenomenal. It was by Kym Mellen who was in the Shakespeare Festival at SUU this summer. I got to hold her Richard III script! Freakin' amazing. She talked about how Shakespeare was performed back in the day of the dear old Elizabethans and then she talked about using that information to help us find textual clues in the First Folios of Shakespeare. Every punctuation mark, change in spelling, difference in iambic pentameter acts as a clue of how Shakespeare meant for the text to be performed. IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER! It was 4 hours long....and the sad thing is, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. That's saying something.

And the stars are aligned, because all of the sudden I have all this time to practice my audition materials. Time I didn't have before. Coincidence? Just sayin.'

COLLEGE. Yeah.

I'm here! Yes. I'm here at college AND I'm here on blogger...it's true. In fact, my roomie Dania, JUST found out I was gonna have a blog, she spazzed out and hit her hand on the door. And it was adorable/hilarious. Moments like this is why I love her. So shout out to Dania! So. I loooove college. I have THE best roommates I could ever ask for. They are so cute and loving and hilarious and fun and smart and kind and sweet and...I could go on and on and ON. Just listen to how great they are. The first Saturday, Iris woke up and made us all breakfast...and then she made us breakfast again today along with Shayne! And today Dania cleaned the whole apartment. She's cute. Also, Shayne and Dania have similar laughs and they are ROOMMATE roommates and to hear them laugh together is pretty much the happiest sound in the world. And Brooke, she is great. She's a spazz. And I like her. She's so thoughtful! And she's the only roommate that has a normal name...haha. And lastly, Kessa. I. Love. Her. I'm so lucky that we are roommates and we've been able to bond. And she looooves music! And I love how blunt she is. It makes me laugh. I couldn't ask for a better roommate. At FHE on Monday...we've got an interesting family..supes (spelling? You know what I'm trying to say, right? Yeah. that's right. us roomies already have our own lingo.) fun and supes awkward. But it was only awkward because we played the awkward game and because one of our FHE bros just dances randomly...hi...

So once upon a time there was this boy. Let's call him...I dunno...Robin (his actual name will be withheld for his safety from castration by Shelby and various other loyal friends of mine.) And he's a great kid! He's a wonderful Son of God. I have forgiven him, right? So I thought it'd be smart to go to his farewell to like show to him that I still care about our friendship. And plus...I thought it'd be a nice chance for me to have some fun...take some revenge per se. And at first, I thought I wouldn't have the guts to even go talk to him. But I knew I had to. Plus, I had gotten all ready and felt SMOKIN'...even though that seems rather unimportant, looking good was my first metaphorical slap to his face. So I said a prayer and all the sudden I was given peace and strength. After his talk I gave him a hug and said he did great and then in my mind I was like: "I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth!" Here's the play-by-play of what came next:

Me: So did you get my message? (ps I had left him a message a couple weeks ago...just giving him a chance to man up...he didn't take it.)

Robin: (He is completely speechless and then he manages to mutter:) Yes....I'm sorry I'm a coward I know.

Me: Yeeeeeah....(I walk away, feeling like I had conquered the world.)

Then later at his house, I gave my good-bye and he looked me in the eye and said his good-bye. I felt like something from our friendship had been salvaged. Maybe. But then, long story short, Julie and I find out that he's recently been dating another girl since me and him broke up (broke up? You probably can't call it that...but I got no other way to put it.) And when he ended it, he said he, I quote, "wasn't interested in a relationship right now." And honestly, when I found out about this girl, I just laughed!! Because...why should I worry about liking someone who would do something like that?? This is why he is worthy of castration. Case closed.

Lately I've been having Shakespeare withdrawals. Maddy keeps telling me about the Shakespeare Festival at SUU...I'm just living through her...so I don't mind it. But that's why I put the quote up there at the top AND it's just rather fitting. Because right now, starting out in college, has been a good time for some soul searching and learning who I am without the foundation I have at home. And I love what my heart is telling me! Yeah, and I know it says "bosom," you dirty minded people (fine, I thought the same thing you did...yikesss...). It's a good quote, K?! Be mature...

So our apartment is actually kinda cold. What?!? So I got out my trusty Advanced jacket....it was nice to be wrapped up in it again. Good times. Good memories...I posted this on fb awhile back and...just read it. It ties in to where I'm going. Plus it's Shakespeare...which means beauty:

There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
-William Shakespeare

And now I'm sailing onward to another land, with the old memories in my heart and new memories to make up ahead.

Last year in Advanced, my dear friend Shelby read this to us and it totally described the journey we were about to embark on. And now I'm on another journey and it's great! I was so scared that college life would be a disappointment compared to last year. But it's not! "You never see the same sunset twice." Life is a growing experience. And each new experience adds on to the last, until you have a whole life of beautiful, yet different sunsets. Life is beautiful. Come on!

Sorry this is super long....I just...have stuff to say! Peace out. Stay domestic.