tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41960465996156237842024-03-13T23:11:31.694-07:00In My Lifeall these places have their moments with lovers and friends i still can recall. some are dead and some are living. in my life, i've loved them all. --the beatlesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-25652428611452281512016-04-02T21:07:00.002-07:002016-04-02T21:07:41.059-07:00My Fight With ED: My New Perspective/Rant On Society<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Looking back at pictures of when I was in the middle of it, I look like a piece of nothing. There’s a picture of me on my mission where I look TINY. But honestly, the first time I saw that picture, I thought I wasn’t skinny enough. I remember looking at certain parts of my body and thinking that I needed to lose more weight. Now I look at it and think I look unproportionate. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a struggle to believe this sometimes. And more and more it’s getting easier. But we are all beautiful no matter what size we are! Gosh dangit. I can’t believe I used to scoff at people who said stuff like that. I thought I was superior, thought I knew that being skinny was the key to happiness. What the freak?!! That’s how you KNOW Satan is talking to you, lesson number 1. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our society has this massive mentality about the importance of being skinny. I dare you to count how many times a day you hear someone talk about healthy foods, losing weight, calories, not looking good in that dress, whatever. It’s so often! We are subconsciously programmed to think that we are not good enough and that we must override our bodies’ natural ability to stay healthy and in shape. You have hormones that tell you when to eat and how much so that your body can function but still be healthy so that you can move and enjoy all the activities that you love! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">think</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you’ll be happier when you’re skinny. You </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> be happier as you fuel your body with a balanced diet and get active--and you might lose some weight as a result. But health is the goal, not skinny. I promise, if you are pursuing happiness through being skinny, you’re gonna feel happy on random days because of what you have “accomplished.” But trust me, you are in this soul-sucking downward spiral because you just can’t have enough skinny. It’s a trap.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I am so happy. Granted, I still have to fight the thoughts, but it’s getting easier. I got some new swimsuits and daaaaaang, gurl! And I am 20 pounds heavier than my lowest weight. So what. Let’s rewrite beauty as a society. You see it everywhere on Pinterest and Dove campaigns (and these words used to make me cringe because I didn’t want to accept myself at my natural weight) </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Every size is beautiful.”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I am learning to love my body more and more. I love myself!! Most importantly, I love who I am. I find so much worth in my divine identity, the way I’m different from everyone else, the way I live my life. I hated it when people were like “What makes you worthwhile is that you are a Daughter of God.” I was like “Everyone is a Child of God, how does that make me special?” </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Being a Child of God means that there is only one you. There is only one you with your face, your body, your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your values, your goals, your dreams, your way of touching the world. </span></div>
<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*The weird thing about eating disorders is that you see yourself as fat and everyone else as skinny. I hope I don’t offend anyone or make them think that I used to think they were fat or something. Hearing one of my anorexic friends say “I need to lose weight!” made me think I needed to lose weight too because I was bigger than her. No. I really hope my words don’t trigger anything harmful.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-62839908231275196352016-03-25T15:27:00.004-07:002016-03-25T15:27:48.506-07:00My Fight With ED: Recover Part II<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here we are again. This is my secret to recovery. And, mind you, I am still in the process.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-e9467149-afde-b4b1-b7ef-14293c1554cd" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">First of all, God blessed me with an INSANE desire to go to Africa. Back in January I had bought tickets to volunteer there in May. I started re-feeding in April and it was such a blessing to be in Africa and not have a mirror to look in. I read Intuitive Eating there and I jumped feet first into it. I had to get over my anxiety fast because my diet was filled with oil and starches. I still had thoughts about my body and anxiety about food, but it wasn’t as bad. It was such a blessing to feel a peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. Africa is a great place to go to get a perspective on life. They see what’s really important! Our divine nature, God, family, nature, love. It made me more grateful for what I have. Some people I saw there were emaciated because that was the only choice they had. Why did I choose to starve myself?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another huge blessing was I changed therapists. I started going to a therapist at Center for Change. We were kindred spirits from the start. He loved to travel and just looked at life with so much love. He really saw the beauty in this life. He was funny and sassy and sarcastic. He kinda has a hippie approach--and I am ALL over that. He could see past my sarcasm and lies and called me out on my false beliefs. He got mad at me when I weighed myself, but showed pain and sympathy at the same time, asking me why I would measure my worth with something like that, when I am worth so much more than being under a certain weight. Sometimes I would go and we would just talk about life. He is my friend. He helped me recognize that good thoughts come from the Holy Ghost and from my heart center. Bad thoughts are </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">lies</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and come from Satan. He taught me how to fight them. He taught me how to change my beliefs by using the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That Atonement thing isn’t just for sins, you know. It’s for anything you want to change in your life. I would partake of the Sacrament every week and ask for the power to recognize Satan in my life and fight the thoughts. I would pray for strength whenever I felt weak. I would tell the devil to leave, even. I would call my friends who were put in my life--some who had recovered from an eating disorder already. They </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">got it</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and it was really comforting to just cry on the phone to them. I literally had to get out the pain until I could go to church or to work or wherever.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eventually, I cried less often. I was less afraid to go shopping and buy bigger clothes. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and I didn’t have as much anxiety. I got really good at noticing when Satan tried to put thoughts in my head and I said “You suck, Satan. You wish you had a body like me. And my body rocks. So get thee freaking HENCE.” I hope it’s okay to quote scripture like that. Sometimes I still didn’t believe that my body rocked, but it was kind of a fake it until you make it thing. And I’m making it!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was talking to my therapist and telling him that I was feeling better and better, but I was still frustrated that I was still getting thoughts from Satan. I told him that I just prove Satan wrong in my head and push it away. That’s all I could do. And my therapist told me that was the key! I could do this on my own now, and eventually I wouldn’t have those thoughts anymore. They’d just taper away. And they are tapering for sure. That day he told me I was ready to fly on my own. I was so happy!!! But also kinda sad because it felt like I was breaking up with my awesome therapist. No more weekly visits. We are still friends, though.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of my favorite things I learned from my therapist is that Satan tries to attack whenever something good is about to happen. Last time I weighed myself (I had a weak moment) was back in October. I went to therapy and my therapist was like “What were you thinking?!” And I was like “I don’t know! I thought it wouldn’t upset me but it did.” Of course it did, because I was itching to weigh myself! I still had an eating disorder mentality! Anyway. He asked if I had anything important coming up. I had a party I was throwing that weekend. My therapist was like “Well, you never know who Satan is trying to prevent you from meeting at the party, or he’s making you feel unworthy of meeting anyone.” Right after that therapy session, I went to anatomy lab where I’d talked to a boy I met a couple months prior. He was dang handsome and nice and I invited him to the party. Aaaaand now we are getting married.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So if that doesn’t convince you to not listen to Satan, I don’t know what will.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I needed to heal to a certain point before I could be in a serious relationship. When I met Robin, it was perfect timing. I was healed enough that I wouldn’t be dependent on him for my self worth. But he has been that missing piece in the puzzle--proving to me that I can be loved even if my belly isn’t flat. He has helped me remember what really makes me a valuable person and reminds me all the time. He is the greatest blessing. He is my happiest sunrise.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And, like I said, I'm still working on things. Having someone to love me hasn't fixed everything. I am still learning how to find worth in myself, for who I am. I am still learning to not just accept my body but to <b>love it</b>. And what is wrong with not loving yourself? To be honest, isn't this something we all struggle with? Just me? But yeah, I'm gonna work on it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because, let's be real, it <i>really</i> doesn't matter what others think of me, but my life will have a dramatic difference when<b> I </b>learn to love myself in a positive and humble way versus when I don't love myself. I will have more power and strength and peace.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-13784688199900086812016-03-19T20:47:00.002-07:002016-03-19T20:47:42.469-07:00My Fight With ED: Recovery Part I<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How did I get out of my head? When did I decide that getting help was more important than being obscenely skinny?</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-01385a77-9220-e593-5a01-79bf17713959" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was last March when I prayed to Heavenly Father. I told him I was sick of thinking about my body all the time. I was sick of thinking of food all the time, living in fear. I was sick of hating myself when I was bloated or just whenever. I had kinda reached a point where my weight had plateaued. In fact, I had lost 10 pounds the month before, but gained it all back in March. I was pretty frustrated with my body. It was frustrated with my mind, I had pushed my body too far.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A week or so later it was General Conference weekend. I was listening to the Lord’s prophet on the earth and His apostles, waiting for the Holy Ghost to guide me and help me free myself from my mind. Moved upon by the Spirit I’m sure, a sister from my mission posted a beautiful and simple testimony on Facebook about her love for Jesus Christ and how He helped her recover from an eating disorder.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I thought, “Man, if she can share that to the whole world, maybe I can.” Previously, I had vowed silently to myself that this would always be my secret, but her post opened up the possibility to me that I could share it with someone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That same day I went on a walk with my mom and sister. I had eaten a “big” breakfast and felt bloated. Fun fact: when you are anorexic, your body will randomly get bloated because it is undernourished. Kind of the worst when you </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">hate</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> feeling fat. So anyway, I was feeling “fat.” I tried to hide it but my sister looked at me and asked if I was okay. Aaaaand I just broke down and bawled to the point that it was hard to talk. My sister and mom just hugged me while I bawled with no explanation. I told them that I thought I had the mindset of an eating disorder without having the behaviors of an eating disorder. Ha. I was still in denial. But it was a step. We walked home and I bawled some more in my room and prayed. I felt so guilty. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes I still feel awful that I was so preoccupied about dodging food on my mission. These people were so kind to me. But I was so messed up and worried about gaining weight. I wish I would’ve known how our body really works back then. I created all this fear in my head because of what I learned in the media about how many calories I was supposed to eat a day and that carbs and sugar are bad for you. SINCE WHEN. WHERE DID ALL THOSE MOVIES GET THEIR INFORMATION??! I know, the devil. That’s who.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I felt a lot of shame that my biggest fear was gaining weight. I was so afraid. And then I was mad at myself that something so worldly and unimportant was my world and so important to me. That’s one reason why it was hard for me to open up about it. I felt so stupid. I felt so much shame. That was a hurdle I had to get over in recovery. I was not a bad person for doing this to myself. Now I realize I had real and true feelings. They were still valid. Jesus Christ suffered for those feelings in the Garden of Gethsemane. They are REAL. And He wanted me to get help and He sure helped me find it.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anyway. I started going to a therapist and a nutritionist at BYU. My therapist? She reeeeally tried her best. But her approach was not what I needed. Every time I had to fill out a form quantifying my behaviors and how often I did them. It was like I was stabbing myself and twisting the knife. I cried every time. I felt terrible and I felt like I wasn’t making much progress even though I stopped counting calories (a BIG step, it honestly took a lot of courage to do that.) Therapy was draining and I dreaded it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My nutritionist was bomb and helped me learn the truth about how our body reacts to food. She taught me that because I had gotten used to eating so little, my body had suppressed it’s hormones that make your stomach growl when you’re hungry and satisfied when you’re full. That’s nice if you are stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean like in the Life of Pi. Not nice when you have a life with school and a job and you need to function. So we had to work back up to eating normal amounts of food.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Honestly, there were some times where I really resented my nutritionist. She sent me a list of a normal amount of food to eat every day and I cried thinking about how that would feel in my stomach. But she was understanding that it would take time. I sent in food logs to her every night for months. I hated it when she told me ways to improve even though I had tried REALLY HARD to eat more. She was just trying to help. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She taught me the <a href="https://www.intuitiveeating.com/content/10-principles-intuitive-eating" target="_blank">Intuitive Eating</a> method. It’s the freaking best book to read if you have ever dieted even. It teaches you tactics on how to listen to your hunger and fullness cues because your body knows what it needs. It teaches you to not limit yourself. If you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want, you ain’t gonna go ham on all the cookies and brownies at every wedding you go to. It’s brilliant. I don’t eat myself sick as much as I used to--almost never. AND I don’t eat as much sweets. It’s brilliant.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took awhile for me to get up to intuitive eating because I didn’t have hunger and fullness cues. But I remember feeling elated when I felt hungry again! I used to hate that feeling. Now it meant that my metabolism was working.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Refeeding was a really difficult time for me. I generally had a breakdown once per week as I tried on clothes and realized they didn’t fit me anymore, or when I was so mad at myself and felt consumed with the thoughts in my head. I hated gaining weight. The only way to recover was to live my worst fear. This went on for a few months. So how did I do that?</span></div>
<br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tune in next time, folks, because this story is so long it needs TWO posts. In the meantime, face your fears.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-59171809600519928332016-03-12T09:58:00.002-08:002016-03-12T09:58:17.311-08:00My Fight with ED: It's Not What You Think<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like I said, years ago I thought that someone who was anorexic was emaciated and ate only an apple a day. I even thought they didn’t eat anything at all. Not really sure how I believed that because how did they still live? Anyway. We have this false belief of what eating disorders look like. It’s partly about the behaviors, but mostly about the mindset.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-01385a77-6bf6-bc97-1a92-5ad6f370e377" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oooooh, it made me SO mad sitting in my abnormal psychology class while I was going through recovery listening to my teacher explain what anorexia was. She was explaining how in anorexia sometimes you will have “binges” which technically means you eat more than you’re used to in an uncontrollable way. She said maybe someone with anorexia would usually eat half a piece of bread a day but if they had an uncontrollable binge, then they would eat the whole piece of bread. WHAT. Okay, that may be true for some anorexics, but not me. My binges were different. And I ate more than a slice of bread per day. If we are going to get a handle on this, we need to teach that anorexia, and all </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>eating disorders for that matter, fall upon a range of severity</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. People aren’t gonna know they need help until we raise awareness of what it really is.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So what did my eating disorder look like? Probably like a lot of the diets that celebrities are on and the girls across the street. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had three meals per day, probably the volume of my clenched fist. Nope, not anorexia according to what my teacher taught me because I was eating three meals!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I set goals to wait until certain times to eat again. I fought hunger by drinking a ton of water and distracting myself with tasks.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So many websites say 1200-1800 calories is enough. Celebrities swear that if you eat more all of the sudden you turn into Aunt Marge from Harry Potter. Noooooooo. False. You need double that, SAYWHAAA. Your body can’t function. I know. I got headaches. I remember feeling so lightheaded at school, I was lucky I didn’t faint. In fact, your body eventually stops burning fat and starts to take energy from your tissues. I’m convinced I really didn’t lose as much fat as I thought--my intestines were getting thinner and more fragile!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At the worst of it, I would go nearly a week without eating any type of grain. Fun fact: your body releases a signal every 2-3 hours for complex carbohydrates because it NEEDS IT. Your body knows what it needs, not celebrity diet experts. EAT THE BREAD IT’S SO GOOD.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I got anxiety thinking about making a big breakfast with my family and knowing it would be weird if I didn’t eat the cinnamon roll AND the scone AND the bacon. I got anxiety when we had two member meals in one day on my mission. I got anxiety when the number on the scale went up. I looked in any reflection as much as I could to check and make sure I still looked skinny--if not, I would chastise myself and vow to do better the next meal.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just so you know, sometimes I STILL ate the fried chicken, the cake, the french toast, whatever, but I compensated the rest of the day by having smaller meals and eating mostly fruits and vegetables. I didn’t think that was anorexia. But it was.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, all these examples are not qualifiers for anorexia. Maybe you don’t get light headed. Fine. But if you find yourself thinking about food and how you are going to get around certain “unhealthy” foods at your next meal or party, or if you are weighing yourself several times a day or week, or even if you don’t like your body and are not being intuitive with your eating (which I will explain in the next post), I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">admonish</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you to really consider if you have a truly healthy relationship with food, ALL foods. And get the help if needed. And even if you do have an unhealthy relationships with food, maybe you don't have an eating disorder. BUT. You will be way happier with food and your body once you stop hating on yourself. Honestly, it’s still hard for me at times, but it helps even just to have a support system of friends and family that I can talk to when it gets difficult.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I kinda have this theory that some people have eating disorders without even knowing it. Hi, that was me.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-11560181734310453862016-03-05T21:34:00.001-08:002016-03-05T21:34:28.730-08:00My Fight with ED: Why Did it Happen?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Near the beginning of my treatment, my therapist at Center for Change had me write down a list of EVERYTHING that I believed about food and my body. That was brutal. I knew as I was writing it that none of it was true, but it still was so true to me. I still believed all those things. This next post is about how those beliefs formulated.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Another time we went through my life story and talked about all the major events of my life so far, good and bad. I got emotional thinking about them because it helped me realize where my feelings of self doubt and deprecation came from.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I grew up doing ballet. Even when I was little I thought that my stomach shouldn’t stick out too far in my leotard and tights. I saw celebrities and heard about this magical thing called a “flat stomach” and thought nothing else was acceptable for me. So I started creating these false beliefs about what was beautiful. I was letting the world pigeon-hole what beauty is, leaving out all the other beautiful things that exist.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some people in my life were just naturally built with smaller frames. My genes make me more...womanly. There is no getting around that! Even when I had my eating disorder, I still had what curves my body could hold on to. I compared my body to others. I felt like a black sheep in pictures with my older sisters because I was a couple sizes bigger. They never did anything to make me feel “fat.” It was all stuff I made up in my head. This is all stuff I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">assumed</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> people thought. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Something about Satan is he tries to make you create beliefs off of assumptions that are usually lies.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The factors above are pretty obvious as to what contributed to my eating disorder. But one of the biggest factors that contributed is a life event that is a little less obvious. When I was 14, my brother dealt with some major health issues. I felt very alone because my parents were gone most of the time, running him from doctor to doctor. I often came home from school to an empty house and went to bed to an empty one, too. It wasn’t my parents’ fault. I don’t hold a grudge at all. They really did their best to be there for me during those times. And it was just hard to see my brother and parents struggle.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because of this trial I numbed myself and didn’t feel much sadness nor happiness. I sometimes made myself cry at sad events. I emotionally ate to cope. I didn’t exercise. I was very lethargic and gained weight and started to dislike my body immensely. This carried on to my freshman year of college. I developed depression, mostly because I was homesick and didn’t know who I was outside of high school. The numbness started to wear away, and it turned into complete sadness. I started to hate my body more, and emotionally eat more. I remember laying in bed all day because I felt like a whale. I remember not wanting to go to a party because I was bloated. I was a MESS. Moral of the story: I had issues that I didn’t cope with. I just buried them. BAD IDEA.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fast forward to a few months into my mission. A couple times after meals with members I just felt SO FULL. I could not concentrate. I also emotionally ate when I was stressed. I remember eating an entire sleeve of saltine crackers after dinner and feeling so sick. At first I think I thought about eating healthily in a mentally healthy way too. I needed to eat healthy so that I could focus on serving the Lord. My goal was to just not eat when I was full so that I wouldn’t get sick. I wasn’t perfect at it. Totally ate a lot of that yummy yellow cake sitting on our counter once. But I got better. I started setting more goals, creating more restrictions. One dessert a day. Then two desserts per week. A whole month without desserts. Only two servings of carbs per day. My meals were getting smaller and smaller. Obviously, I lost weight. When I lost weight, it became something so gratifying. Because of the way we have been conditioned in the world, I felt like I had accomplished something so important and amazing. And so...that’s kinda how it became an obsession. It started with one little restriction and ended up being a massive list of restrictions that I wrote down, and now I want to find that list and burn it. INTUITIVE EATING IS THE WAY!!</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll tell you all about it in posts to come. Thanks for listening to me spill my heart out. Honestly, this is very therapeutic for me. My hope is that if you are struggling with eating or with your body, or if you know someone who is, then recovery is worth everything you have. I know you think that people are crazy that tell you you are worth something even if you aren’t skinny. But you are. You will feel happier finding worth in who you are, not a number on a scale.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-9943021914553547872016-02-27T20:19:00.000-08:002016-02-27T20:19:09.453-08:00My fight with ED: Introduction<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I stood behind that rackety stage-door, trying not to scream or cry or run away. My theater teacher and vocal/breathing coach extraordinaire had told me to do my lines over, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">again. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some of us in my advanced theater class were struggling to project our voices across the auditorium. We had decided to do the entire production without mics, so we had to dig deep inside ourselves and find that voice that could not only fill a room with sound, but with our soul.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a4da415b-2617-61f2-0f18-ecf3060690e5" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Frustration set in because I thought I was projecting enough--what wasn’t loud enough was my soul. My teacher told me to do my lines again, but this time I had to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sing</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> them. Make up my own melody.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Never have I felt more vulnerable, more exposed. I love singing. When I sing I feel the most like me and I can share my heart. But this. This was terrifying--because all my peers were watching, no notes to lead my way. Just me trying to sing my lines in whatever notes decided to come out of my mouth.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I cried afterward.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But this experience taught me the value of sharing your vulnerabilities. I came out stronger, my lines were better. I had presence. But more than that, it was a gift. It was a gift to me to show me what I was capable of. It’s given me courage to say what I want to say and be myself in the face of critics. It gave my peers the ability to let go on stage, and hopefully in life too. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t share that story just for the sake of it. I have a bigger story to tell. And it will take more than one post on this here blog-that-I-haven’t-posted-on-in-almost-three-years-oops. But it’s a story that needs to be told. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So here’s the short version, with details to come in later posts:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been almost a year since I started recovery for an eating disorder. Some people call it Anorexia. I hesitate to give a diagnosis because there’s all sorts of stigmas that go along with it. I always thought that people with anorexia never ate, ever. Ever, ever. So imagine my surprise when my nutritionist said I was eating the amount of food to sustain a comatose person, even though I was having three “meals” a day. Also, everyone’s experience with an eating disorder is different. I actually have a lot of thoughts about labeling something that’s wrong with you, but we can talk about that another time. I digress.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Growing up I struggled with body image--even when I was a skinny little ballerina. I started my period and I quickly became a woman and I was like WAT. I didn’t like it. Life threw it’s lemons and I made a lot of figurative lemon bars and ate them (aka emotionally eating), which led to gaining weight. Now, I was never overweight. But I was out of shape and lethargic. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was 19 I left on a mission to South Carolina. Daaaaang, missions are hard! So, hi, food. Comfort me. But I noticed how all this food made me feel. I couldn’t exert my body like I wanted to. I was so full of fried chicken and cake it was hard to focus while teaching lessons. I had to change something. So I started restricting my eating. I became more and more obsessed with what I ate and how I looked. I just spiraled downward, deeper and deeper. I came home from my mission 18 months later, excited to have more control over my eating. I got more obsessed, and more depressed. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One day I noticed how unhealthy my thoughts were about my body and food. That’s all I ever thought about. I prayed for help. A friend posted on Facebook about how the Atonement of Jesus Christ helped her through her own battle with anorexia years before. I thought I would never tell anyone, but this post hit me. I realized I had a problem and I started getting help.</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-63022171277827138922013-04-24T11:18:00.002-07:002013-04-24T11:18:28.570-07:00M.I.A.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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HI I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN M.I.A. FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS. Finals are over. And life has been fun. And happy. I only have so much time to be with the people I've grown to love so much. And I just haven't felt compelled to write anything. Deal with it. All I wanna do is dance in my room to the aforementioned song.<br />
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HAPPY FINALS AND HAPPY SUMMER!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-37835261948412123182013-04-05T10:17:00.001-07:002013-04-05T10:17:33.875-07:00Treat Yo'self.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Take this:</div>
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A happy me.</div>
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Life right now life has been busy, busy, busy. But I am so happy. I met a bunch of sisters going on my mission via facebook and it's been wonderful to connect with them. I've been exercising everyday and it feels so good to take care of my body--God is proud of us when we take care of our gifts. Life is just HAPPY. So treat yourself today.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-37331840682101008692013-03-28T21:35:00.000-07:002013-03-28T21:35:07.705-07:00Flowin'I had a school project where I had to do an activity that I've never done before and write about "flow," which is when you just have a really nice mix between your competence level and the challenge level of the activity. In flow you lose track of time because you are so focused on what you are working on and you feel like there is nothing on the outside that could possibly distract you. Super cool stuff. There are lots of times when we get into flow. For me, I get into flow when I'm on stage, or on a hard bike ride, or reading a book. I feel like I am transcending reality when I do these things. Often, when we try something new, we can feel flow. SO. For my experiment of creating flow, I decided to figure out how to make a video. I am still a rookie, for sure, but here it is!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-26186385902268225372013-03-20T20:10:00.002-07:002013-03-20T20:10:31.550-07:00Canteen filling.It's not what you think. I haven't kissed a guy in ages. And I most likely definitely probably won't before my mission. SO. I'm not even considering dating someone before I go. It's too late anyway! Tell me how easy it would be to start up a worthwhile relationship within two months. Yeah. No. Especially since it's me we're talkin' about.<br />
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But every little thing counts right? Especially if you lived in China recently and had no contact that you <i>wanted</i> to have with the opposite gender.<br />
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Let's give a maybe not so hypothetical situation. McCall sees cute boy in ward. Cute boy in ward talks to me once. Cute boy has cute glasses. Cute boy is roommate's home teacher. Other roommate knows that I kinda fancy this boy. Roommate comes in room, whispers that he is here. McCall gets on cute clothes and grabs her empty cup of water. McCall walks out to the kitchen to get water. McCall discreetly waves to cute boy and walks back to her room.<br />
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MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.<br />
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I was laughing so hard! I go into my room to tell Natalie and then I'm like...."I don't even care about dating! Whhhhat the." But, hey, it made me happy. And I'm just filling my canteen with flirtations.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-32043254947690245482013-03-17T17:49:00.000-07:002013-03-17T17:49:15.123-07:00Divine SkiesI want on a baby hike with Shelby yesterday. There's just something about nature that I crave more and more.<br />
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There is always something new to be discovered on the side of the mountains bordering Kaysville. You really can never run out of places to explore. I always feel a sense of peace and wonder. Physically and spiritually, I feel closer to heaven and am in awe of the beauty of this earth.<br />
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The view is breath-taking. It starts with the valley below with everyone living their lives--coming home from work, playing with their kids, reading outside. My house and all my memories growing up are in sight.<br />
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Then, I look up at the sky, at the swirling clouds and the glaring light. I think of the atmosphere and the infinite universe. I am so small, but there's a divinity inside of me that is everywhere, in everyone, because of Him. He created this for me, for you, for everyone we love.<br />
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"Oh Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder</div>
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Consider all the works thy hand hath made,</div>
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Thy power throughout the universe displayed;</div>
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Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to thee.</div>
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How great thou art, how great thou art." --Stuart K. Hine.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-85567433463203931252013-03-13T19:43:00.000-07:002013-03-13T19:52:48.017-07:00We are His hands.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I've had a couple experiences lately where I was given the opportunity to reach out to someone but for one reason or another I was holding myself back--social norms, too busy, wanted to use my time doing something else, just plain scared of that person's reaction, I would look weak, etc.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And every time I have chosen to heed that prompting, something beautiful has happened that turned out to be an answer not only to their prayers, but <i>my</i> prayers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"With this in mind, let our hearts and hands be stretched out in compassion toward others, for everyone is walking his or her own difficult path. As disciples of Jesus Christ, our Master, we are called to support and heal rather than condemn. We are commanded 'to mourn with those that mourn' and 'comfort those that stand in need of comfort.'"<span class="s1"><sup> </sup></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1"><sup>--Elder Uchtdorf</sup></span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-31797735385637389672013-03-11T21:59:00.002-07:002013-03-13T19:45:04.802-07:00Live Deliberately<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-42944159371139848122013-03-04T15:39:00.002-08:002013-03-04T15:39:16.647-08:00So Happy TogetherrrrrBlindsight. A movie about a humanitarian group that takes blind kids from Tibet up to the Advanced Base Camp of Mount Everest--about 21,000 feet. SO INSPIRING. Now I'm like...man. If they can climb Everest, I CAN. Sometimes I feel like I need to be already experienced in stuff like this but it's like...no, you don't! These kids had zero experience and were blind. Somethin' to think about!<div>
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At the end this kid is singing and my heart meeeelted--I am seriously missing my kids from over there and this made me smile. Have a wonderful day!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-41341235761621687822013-02-20T10:09:00.002-08:002013-02-20T10:14:54.808-08:00Space.<span style="font-family: inherit;">Creating a Good Life. This class is where I've been getting most of my gems and transferring them on to here. And here I am, with yet another topic to discuss. We're talking about the impact on media in creating a good life and having authentic happiness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Guys. This is gonna be a long one but I promise it'll at least make you think.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes technology is great in the way it can connect us with loved ones miles away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It also can create quite dire circumstances. A quote from the book, <i>Hamlet's Blackberry</i>, just...it's like....BOOM. Okay. I'm like scared to type it because it's so flipping true and I'm about to throw it out into the digital universe. And I also really don't know any other way to introduce it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"....tethered to our screen."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ouch. When you read that do you just feel like you're a sickly cow tied up against a fence post? I just. It's so dang true!!! How many times do I check my phone to see if I have a message or a call. I'm bored, thus I go on facebook. I'M RELIEVING MY BOREDOM THROUGH LOOKING AT A DIGITAL SCREEN. This is a great way to spend my life, people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Most of us kiddos in my generation really don't know what it's like to be alone. Think about it. I decide to take a nice drive of solitude to a field or something and I'm all thinking I'm completely alone--when really I can connect with everyone I know by pushing a few buttons on my cellular device. And I find myself aching for someone to contact me or vice versa....but for some reason don't feel like I have the power to drive up to their house and found out how that person is really doing. Truly connecting with that person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But really, how liberating is it when you go somewhere without your phone? No interuptions, no distractions. Just you and who you are with and where you are.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"Advertisements pitch everything form cars to cola as instruments of self-expression and liberation, though they're really the opposite. Be a rebel, wear the shoes everyone else is wearing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I still struggle to ignore these messages. But when I succeed at standing apart, the payoff is enormous, and not just in a selfish way. The best kind of aloneness is expansive and generous. To enjoy your own company is to be at ease not just with yourself but with everyone and everything in the universe. When you're inwardly content, you don't need others to prop you up, so you can think about them more freely and generously. Paradoxically enough, separation is the way to empathy. In solitude we meet not just ourselves but all other selves, and it turns out we hardly knew them."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">How many times have I been like, "If I just have this shirt that everyone has, it will be a nice outward expression of who I am." Something along those lines happened in my head. What? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I feel like I am "connecting" with people as I look at their pictures on facebook about their trip to wherever or that date with whoever. Whatever happened to actually asking someone first-handedly? Or Pinterest. I know I have lots of projects where I think it would be fun...but what about actually doing them? The nerve.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"In less connected times, human beings were forced to shape their own interior sense of identity and worth--to become self-sufficient. By virtue of its interactivity, the digital medium is a source of constant confirmation that, yes, you do indeed exist and matter."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A lot of the time, I feel like who I am on the internet defines who I am--the pictures I share, my blog posts. Although these things aren't bad, sometimes I feel a sense of loss of who I am when I think about what people see on my profile. Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? It's a sad truth I hate to admit, but I feel validated whenever I get a comment or a like. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not condemning the use of screens. But, I want to allow myself space between times of screen. This way I can really, truly take advantage of the connectedness that <i>does</i> happen in the digital universe. But it can't be appreciated if the chance isn't given. Give yourself some space.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/02/dont-eat-that.html" target="_blank">Twice up the barrel, once down the side</a>, my friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">P.S. This post is dedicated to Kira Johnson because she is like a walking testimony of this concept. Hi, I love you.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-11505628470187098462013-02-18T22:18:00.004-08:002013-02-18T22:18:51.047-08:00GIVE ME SUMMER NOWI try so hard. Every year it's a struggle and I'm DONE. I try. And try. And TRY GOSH DANGIT.<br />
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But I can't seem to pretend I like the cold for too long. Spring just starts a-callin' and I'm like "Be there soon in my shorts (now knee length! Once I find some....curses world standards of fashion!) and un-showered hair in my car with the windas rolled down." Seriously. Laying outside, lemonade, parades, camping, hikes, playing in the sun, warm blue nights, warmth in general, can't come soon enough!<br />
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Luuuuckily, my Dad was kind enough to take us crazy kids along to St. George with him this weekend while he golfed. Love that guy.<br />
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And I love St. George.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-99s9E7hCDX0/USMYKOzLkcI/AAAAAAAAArc/sOpVht1qkEk/s1600/P2170047.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-99s9E7hCDX0/USMYKOzLkcI/AAAAAAAAArc/sOpVht1qkEk/s320/P2170047.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hope one day to have a love like their's.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KMIhHNX40DA/USMYMgZONQI/AAAAAAAAArk/YV_FIQgveSI/s1600/P2170071.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KMIhHNX40DA/USMYMgZONQI/AAAAAAAAArk/YV_FIQgveSI/s320/P2170071.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cute bro.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FWlXXQBYUgE/USMYQ6Ed7HI/AAAAAAAAArs/kgmXJRJUFWQ/s1600/FamilyTempleSt.G.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FWlXXQBYUgE/USMYQ6Ed7HI/AAAAAAAAArs/kgmXJRJUFWQ/s320/FamilyTempleSt.G.jpg" width="199" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Forever family.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4x__t-3I4ig/USMYS-FHzjI/AAAAAAAAAr0/P1ftMIdef4E/s1600/ScarfjumpSt.G.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4x__t-3I4ig/USMYS-FHzjI/AAAAAAAAAr0/P1ftMIdef4E/s320/ScarfjumpSt.G.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sun just makes me wanna be artsy?</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-81005641300380056282013-02-15T00:03:00.001-08:002013-02-15T00:03:35.005-08:00Dumas is my ValentineGuys, today was the best Valentine's Day. Usually I pretend it's a normal day and maaaaybe remember to wear some pink. But then I read <a href="http://shelbylanece.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">this</a> and realized that Valentine's doesn't have to be about loving my romantic love interest (who is currently non-existant. HI CITIZENS OF SOUTH CAROLINA!), but I can make a special effort to love <b>everyone. </b>Strangers, friends, classmates, family. And it turned out to be such a fulfilling day talking to strangers and also people I know (don't worry) and creating deeper bonds with them than I normally do.<br />
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What else made today special? Weeeell. Some friends and I resolved that we're sick of not being able to read for leisure during school so we started a book club. Now we <i>have</i> to read books we like! And it's nice to escape to fun little cafes like Cafe on 1st.<br />
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For January we read <i>The Count of Monte Cristo</i>. Mmm. Amazing book. If you haven't read it, I suggest you should. Even if you can't read. Have someone read it to you, it's that good. <a href="http://emmajphelps.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Emma</a> would take it on a deserted island with her and nothing else. Not even food.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RUarhoLF9zs/UR3qO4gZzMI/AAAAAAAAAqY/PbLl78N2PJE/s1600/Curryfor2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RUarhoLF9zs/UR3qO4gZzMI/AAAAAAAAAqY/PbLl78N2PJE/s320/Curryfor2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laughing and eating curry.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tMyeTb1kJhQ/UR3qOzFKA_I/AAAAAAAAAqc/Uf7zApVWi2I/s1600/ChannellingGreek.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tMyeTb1kJhQ/UR3qOzFKA_I/AAAAAAAAAqc/Uf7zApVWi2I/s320/ChannellingGreek.jpg" width="284" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Treated myself to an awesome 'do today! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fgqOV9elhaY/UR3qMxFo_TI/AAAAAAAAAqM/PtDxKKnJNIs/s1600/BookClubGroup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fgqOV9elhaY/UR3qMxFo_TI/AAAAAAAAAqM/PtDxKKnJNIs/s320/BookClubGroup.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Love it when we talk literature--and life.</td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-9112760711869869502013-02-13T10:52:00.001-08:002013-02-13T10:52:53.779-08:00Huggin' TreesLet me tell you a little known fact about me. Actually, I don't know how little known it is. BUT. Whatever. I love this earth and I think it's super important we take care of it.<div>
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I actually was vegetarian for a year. Not for health reasons but to SAVE THE ANIMALS!!! Then I started craving meat and I was like whhhaaaa?? And my mom showed me scriptures of how the beasts of the earth and fowls of the air were for our consumption. Halright. And now I love all meats and steaks and burgers and chickens. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Muir Woods</td></tr>
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Let me tell you what brought up this tree-huggin' thing today though. In my text book I read that if you put all the pavement in the world together, it would take up 38 BILLION FOOTBALL FIELDS. No. True story. Down with deforestation. <div>
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AND. Daily, Americans consume 120 pounds of stuff. That's like...3/4 of me a day--you don't have to do the math. Like. Really. Just believe it's like 3/4 of me. Crazy stuff right?</div>
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I just believe that this Earth has a soul. And it feels. And it gives a lot to us. So I wanna focus even more on giving back.<br /><div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-54173834796053222142013-02-11T21:50:00.002-08:002013-02-11T21:56:34.139-08:00spring swaps snow for leaves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Don't you hate/love it when Mumford and the gang are right?</div>
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"Winter Winds"</div>
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As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts</div>
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Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms</div>
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Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?</div>
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For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt</div>
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And my head told my heart</div>
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"Let love grow"</div>
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But my heart told my head</div>
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"This time no</div>
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This time no"</div>
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We'll be washed and buried one day my girl</div>
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And the time we were given will be left for the world</div>
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The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague</div>
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So let the memories be good for those who stay</div>
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And my head told my heart</div>
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"Let love grow"</div>
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But my heart told my head</div>
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"This time no"</div>
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Yes, my heart told my head</div>
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"This time no</div>
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This time no"</div>
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Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved</div>
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Was the same that sent me into your arms</div>
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Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone</div>
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And no hope, no hope will overcome</div>
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<i>And if your strife strikes at your sleep</i></div>
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<i>Remember spring swaps snow for leaves</i></div>
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<i>You'll be happy and wholesome again</i></div>
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<i>When the city clears and sun ascends</i></div>
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And my head told my heart</div>
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"Let love grow"</div>
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But my heart told my head</div>
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"This time no"</div>
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And my head told my heart</div>
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"Let love grow"</div>
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But my heart told my head</div>
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"This time no</div>
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This time no"</div>
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Sometimes, your heart or spirit just knows when your mind doesn't. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-45991239786092340822013-02-11T17:39:00.003-08:002013-02-11T17:39:36.827-08:00strangers and all things that are good.First off, it is one of the best things to exchange smiles with a stranger on campus. Or just anywhere. <div>
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Also delightful when random stranger stops you and asks for your number. I'm not bragging. THISNEVERHAPPENSTOME. Hilarious. Made my day. What didn't make my day was the fact he was shorter than me. :/ Eh. Counts for something!</div>
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Another thing I'd like to bring to your attention: we work waaay too much in our society. In one of my classes we've been discussing how America needs to take back it's time and slooooow down. And whenever we do something leisurely we feel guilty because we feel like we're not being productive. </div>
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Let me tell you something. By law, people in Europe get AT LEAST four weeks of vacation per year. America? One. One lousy week. Guess who is more productive? Youuuu guessed it. </div>
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Let's have some commentary on a few quotes in my textbook, shall we?</div>
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<i>"Even the majority of slaves in the ancient world and serfs during the Middle Ages did not work as hard, as regularly, or as long as we do."</i></div>
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WAT. All these years I thought that serfs and peasants and things worked like crazy. Nope, that's us.</div>
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<i>"If you want your dreams to grow, take your time, go slowly,</i></div>
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<i>Do few things but do them well, simple gifts are holy."</i></div>
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Amen and amen. Simplicity my friends. That is what makes you savor.</div>
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<i>"There is a teaching we call Shabbat ('Sabbath') and comes from the Hebrew verb for pausing or ceasing. In Exodus 20:8-11, the reason given for the Sabbath is to recall Creation; in Deuteronomy 5:12-15, it is to free all of us from slavery."</i></div>
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How cool is that? I love the phrase "recall Creation." Why do you think it's called REcreation? Because we are recreating something and using our gift to create.</div>
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<i>"Human life is primarily qualitative. It consists of thinking, knowing, communing, loving, serving, and giving rather than in having or enjoying. Its supreme demand is that we should know more and love more, and that we should strive to know the best that is to be known and to love the best that is to be loved."</i></div>
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Just beautiful. The book continues to describe how we work in order to have or enjoy. Really, working should just be a <i>means to leisure</i>. Beautiful. This is like the worst predicament for American society. We could even get out of debt if we worked 6 hours! Think about it. And we would have a better sense of community. And less depression. Less expectations of ourselves. Less all things that are bad.</div>
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We can talk more deeply about it sometime if you like. I'd love to.</div>
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Now, all things that are good:</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-34671885583124992592013-02-08T11:59:00.003-08:002013-02-08T11:59:48.556-08:00Spinning Madly On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/OBk3ynRbtsw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-63196587483857065202013-02-06T14:18:00.003-08:002013-02-06T14:18:36.383-08:00Train Lovin'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hy-rzKu2JM0/URLWDL_NsUI/AAAAAAAAApA/jJtk1nKIRZs/s1600/Photo+on+2-6-13+at+3.09+PM+%232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hy-rzKu2JM0/URLWDL_NsUI/AAAAAAAAApA/jJtk1nKIRZs/s320/Photo+on+2-6-13+at+3.09+PM+%232.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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That's all.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-91164907098508335912013-02-01T23:36:00.002-08:002013-02-01T23:36:46.975-08:00Called To Serve Him.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zsy8Tgd-yKo/UQy_nTQSOqI/AAAAAAAAAnc/gqZd8TrAlWs/s1600/542292_10151409896743586_569121555_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zsy8Tgd-yKo/UQy_nTQSOqI/AAAAAAAAAnc/gqZd8TrAlWs/s1600/542292_10151409896743586_569121555_n.jpg" /></a></div>
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I have been called to serve in the South Carolina Columbia Mission and I leave May 29th!!<br />
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I am thrilled to be going there and I know that is exactly where the Lord wants me to be. I couldn't be any happier. I was surrounded by so many friends and family and I am so grateful for them in my life.<br />
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Also, South Carolina is beautiful.<br />
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I dunno...it's not too ugly, either.<br />
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P.S. My mission pres? Jef Holm's dad. Holla.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-52670305282165079552013-01-22T11:10:00.000-08:002013-01-22T16:39:41.049-08:00Savor. Today we had a forum at BYU by a guy named Michael Wesch. I don't feel like looking up/telling you all his awesome credentials. Blah, blah he's a professor somewhere and collaborates with National Geographic. Super cool!<br />
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He lived in New Guinea for about 8 years...I can't remember why. Probs for Nat Geo. He talked about how he felt so humbled and lost this sense of self because his whole life his self was built up on media and telling people what he was up to on Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Being so far removed from the so-called social scene that media provides, he had to find himself again. And even though it was hard and so depressing, he focused on the beauty that there was in this. His capacity to learn was so much greater because he was humble and willing.<br />
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One day he was crying and went in the mountains by the village. Two guys walked up to him and by the time they reached him were also crying. And they had no idea why Michael was even crying! Because these people in New Guinea don't have social media to connect, ooobviously their ability to connect in person is astounding. There is so much empathy. He put it best: "When there is a shared vulnerability, then empathy blossoms." Isn't that beautiful?<br />
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And in our society, our ability for empathy is nearly lost. We're so used to sending our condolences or congratulations over Facebook or via text. What is up with that?!<br />
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He talked about savoring the <b>now</b>--where you are, the people you're with. And he shared a video of snowfall in New Zealand in a place where they hardly ever see snow. And it's so cool to see how people savor something so simple!<br />
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There is zest in every moment of our lives if we just find it.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01915950794059344117noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4196046599615623784.post-27580594250763547922013-01-21T22:25:00.000-08:002013-01-21T22:25:47.705-08:00Letting it happen.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think sometimes I feel like I have the power to make things happen--and I do! But, sometimes you just have to let it happen, instead.</div>
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"You just do your best to give and to love those around you, and do what you love. Stay close to Heavenly Father. Gain confidence in yourself for your mission and for your career path. Find all those things.<br />
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And then, if someone wants to join in on everything good that you are, fantastic. And if not, you are happy and whole." --<a href="http://shelbylanece.blogspot.com/">Shelby</a><br />
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Sometimes I over-think things. I dunno if this post is too personal or what. And I haven't even had a major break-up or anything. But I know the dating world out there is fierce. It's wild. It gets you down. It eats you up. You stay strong, my friends.<br />
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Also, newsflash! I'm going on a mission and I'm waiting ever so anxiously for my call! Faith is in the air around here. I'm on a path and the only place that is bright is where I'm standing and a step ahead. Two steps ahead is pure darkness. So I'm having faith.<br />
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