a little more.

My thoughts lately? I just think we all need a little bit more love in this world. I see people close to me struggle because they aren't appreciated or loved enough by those close to them. It can wear a person down until they feel they can't take it any more. And I know I'm not perfect and sometimes I forget to show my love. So, let's all show it. Deal? Because life is tough. And we're all going through difficult things and we fall, we trip, we slip and sometimes we go too far down a path we shouldn't have gone. But we just gotta love each other. That's why we were all put here together, because we can't do it on our own. We need each other.

DUDE. Letters are the best.

My friend who is serving in Taiwan sent me a Chinese hymn book and a bunch of stuff to help me learn Chinese. IS THAT THE SWEETEST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD OF?!!? I went to go pick up his package at the post office not knowing what it was but then I saw it was from him and I literally (LITERALLY) couldn't stop smiling alllll the way home. And I was riding my bike so I looked crazy.

twists and turns.

    "Regardless of the turns life’s journey may take, the final destination of eternal life is what Heavenly Father plans for His children (see Moses 1:39). Some may even find that “plan B” was simply a way of making His “plan A” a reality."   

Just something I've learned again and again in my life. :)

love you till the end.

Before I say anything else, who else here just want Gerard Butler to love them? You too? GUH, HE IS THE BEST MAN ALIVE. Anyways.I can't even imagine losing the person I love the most and being alone without them. True, I don't have that person in my life yet, but one day I hope to find someone that inspires me to be my best self and makes me the happiest person alive. So the movie "P.S. I Love You" kills me. I think it tugs at everyone's heart strings because we all love deeply and to have the person or people you love so much taken from you one way or another is devastating. I don't know how I would cope if I was put in a place like Holly in the movie. Would I love again? Who knows. But the story is beautiful and I think some fundamental truths are expressed. Just listen to these words.


Gerry: It isn't to go down memory lane
or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any
help from me. Its to tell you how much you move me, how you
changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I
am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything,
promise me that whenever youre sad, or unsure, or you lose
complete faith, that youll try to see yourself through my eyes.


Holly: Just create something... new
and there it is, and its you, out in the world, out side of you and
you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it... and you
know a little more about... you.


Patricia: So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if were all alone, then 
we're all together in that too.


Gerry: A fella just has to tell a woman
the truth without words. It's like a signal you send out. The woman,
she just picks it up.
Holly: And what's the truth?
Gerry: That kissing her would be the end of life as I know it.
Holly: Wow. And that's true of every girl
you've gotten to kiss you?
Gerry: I could turn it on and off when I was
younger and I had no principles.
When every girl that I was lucky enough
to kiss was the end of life as I knew it.
Holly: And now?
Gerry: Now I only send it out when I think
she might be the one that makes it true.

now and then.

It's interesting to be able to look back at a time in your life and sort of analyze what happened and learn from it once you are removed from it. And I really feel this way about college. I haven't talked about my experience very much on here until now because I feel like I am in a safe place to tell you my feelings. And this experience isn't just catered to me (well it is) but it's a general thing that I'm sure you have experienced and something we will all experience again and again.  We all are given trials to endure.

My freshman year was an experience that I wish never to relive again, but I am so grateful to have lived that year even though it was the hardest thing I've ever done. True, I have had struggles in my life before that impacted me and changed me but moving away from the people I love and being plopped into a new atmosphere was devastating on my soul. I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. I had these expectations that I wasn't going to be homesick and I was gonna have so many friends. But the problem is, I didn't let go of the life I lived back in Kaysville. And that hurt me. But of course it's a process and I can't live life perfectly and I know, truly, that I was supposed to have an experience like I did. I'm stronger. I have more belief in myself. And I see people in a more beautiful light.

I remember when I came home for Christmas break and I was back in Kaysville, in my element, and I realized I had entirely thrown myself out the window and was somebody totally different in Provo. I got ready in Provo and I cared, I cared, so much about what people thought about me. And that's not really who I am. But then I got to rediscover what I love about myself and who I really, truly, am inside. And it was tough. And I was lonely. But now I look back and see how I grew and how God shaped me to be who I am today and how He continues to shape me and mold me. And through Him, I have learned who I want to be.

So now I'm home in Kaysville and I'm so happy. It's always darkest before the dawn, right? And now it's dawn. Sometimes I feel like last year didn't even happen. And yes, there were fun and happy moments, don't get me wrong. But it was hard. Like, wanna hear something weird? Being at college made me HATE darkness and the night time because it gave me time to think and wallow. And when I moved back, for awhile I hated night-time because it reminded me of those painfully lonesome times. But from those nights of pondering and worrying and crying I have learned this:

I choose who I want to be. And that is Me.

Any obstacle that is put in my way can be overcome and endured, and that is what life is about.

Just love people. Everyone is so different and it is a blessing to get to know someone and care for someone so just take a leap of faith and give yourself to others.



But yeah. Life is wonderful. Hard. Freaking SO hard. But worth every second because we are becoming the people we need to be. And the struggle is worth the joy that comes when you are triumphant.

Hope you are happy!