The here. The now.

With only one week left in China, I'm finding myself anxious to see my family but so sad to leave my students and this land that I've called home for the past few months. I am sad to leave my kids, so thrilled to see my family, and excited to see what adventures await!

I look back at the past few months and see times of confusion, hilarity, feeling lost, belonging, missing the hearts of family and friends, and cultivating new bonds with the hearts of the people here, old and young. It's been a BIG adventure and I've loved all the exploring and problem-solving and drinking in the sights, the feels, and the sounds of China.

I look forward to and am excited for the future. I'm armed with new knowledge I gained here in China that I can use for the rest of my life. I'm excited to create my own adventures in the coming chapters of my life. I can't wait to pick up more people to join me in this adventure and get to know more of God's children--whether it be in America or somewhere else in this world. 

And what about now? We can't just look at the past and the future with out looking at the present. Then we are just unhappy. The present is where life happens. Even though it's so sad to say good-bye to my students, I'm grateful for the extra love that is given and received. Even when I'm not teaching, I'm thankful for the time I have to think and learn about all sorts of different things in this world. Even though I'm SO excited to see my family and have all the other things that come with going home, I'm grateful for this time--this small thread in the elaborate tapestry of time that I can savor and reflect.

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this and I've been pouring over LDS Conference talks, web articles, quotes, and TED talks to learn how others live in the present, remember the past, and prepare for the future. One of my favorite lines from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol puts perfectly how I am feeling (especially with Christmas just around the corner!): 

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

I am so grateful for my mind, to be able to recall the past and learn from it. I am so grateful I can set goals for the future and have hope for things to come. And lastly, I am so grateful for my heart, that I can love the people and the places that are now and take in every moment little by little because this life is a tremendous gift. 

Definition of Courage

"Tell the story of who you are, with your whole heart...Let [yourself] be seen,deeply seen; love with [your] whole heart, even though there's no guarantee." --Brene Brown

Xi'an

This past weekend we went to Xi'an. The first capital of China, famous for it's food, old city wall, pure Chinese atmosphere with a hint of Muslim and it's very welcoming people. Seriously, so many random people welcomed us on the streets. I liked it. Oh, and the Terracotta Warriors are just a bus ride away. I'll just say it was a great weekend. Let me break it daaaayown for ya.

THE MARKET:

Where is all the good food in Xi'an, do you wonder? In the Muslim Quarter. So freaking dericious. Xi'an was the beginning (or ending?) of the Silk Road back in the day so there are a lot of Chinese Muslims. And do they know how to COOK. Let me count the ways:

1-- Huang Gui. I found out what this was actually called via the internet. Yay technology! This was our all-time favorite. It's persimmons dough stuffed with sugar and nuts and yumminess and then fried. So greasy. So good. There's a reason it's number 1. A definite must-try. If you don't try this when you go to Xi'an, you are dead to me.

2--These yummy meat sandwiches. Soft, thick, warm pita-like bread (for some reason I wanna call it Peeta bread. It was THAT good.), stuffed with juicy pinkish brisket-like meat. So flipping good.

3--So, you take some rice germ ish stuff and steam it. Then you get to choose a jelly to put on it and dip it in sugar and peanuts. If you dip it in grape or strawberry it tastes like PB&J!!! So good.

4--Strawberries on a stick dipped in hot sugar so it hardens and it's crunchy and juicy and yummy.

Lots of other good food was there too! We got classic home-made noodles with egg and tomato. Also a fave. But the dishes I listed were unique to Muslim Quarter. At least that I know of. 

We also did lots of shopping! I got lots of gifts for people and some pretty paintings for my future home. It was by far the best market I've been to.

THE WARRIORS:

Once upon a time we almost didn't get to see the Warriors. Translation: Once upon a time I almost had a heart attack. 

It was Saturday, our last day in Xi'an. Maddy and I were out grabbing lunch when Shelby and Marissa arrived. They had talked to the hostel which told them that we wouldn't be able to get to the Warriors before they closed because we'd have to take an hour bus ride through the city and then another bus to the site. After they called and said this terrible news, my mind was 80% made up that we wouldn't see the Warriors. But our hope encouraged us to just ask one more time. We got to the hostel and talked to them and proposed different ways to get to the Warriors quicker. And GUESS WHAT. We found a way!!!!! You could say a short taxi ride, a bus, and our legs got us there. But what REALLY got us there was our hearts, our hope, and our prayers.

Let me tell you, seeing the Terracotta Warriors was a million times more significant because of this little trial. They were surreal. Of course, you need the history in order to truly appreciate it. If you didn't it would just be dirt. But it was so magnificent. I had chills running up and down my body thinking about how these were real people, with real lives--ancestors to people we've met in China. And their spirits were probably watching us and being there with us and feeling what we were feeling. It was very powerful. And it was so wonderful to share it with my friends. 

...Aaaaand I got a student discount. Which is worth mentioning because I used my driver's license to get in because my student card is in America. BAM. Didn't know the difference! 

THE PEOPLE:

I dunno if it was the Christmas Spirit or what, but people were noticeably nicer to us. So many people welcomed us to Xi'an.

One guy gave us an old book! Which was nice...we think. It could be Anti-American literature for all we know. We left it at the hostel anyway. 

This cute old man on a bike and beret helped us find the Muslim Quarter (hahaha, we still needed help but his company was nice!) 

We had lots of opportunities to give and to help and it was wonderful to see the smiles on people's faces. And in turn, we saw people serve others, too!

There was so much good to see. One day, Maddy and I were just wandering when we stumbled upon a small Buddhist temple. We heard singing and we thought it was coming from one of those walk-mans that older Chinese people love to carry around. But, no. It was a lady, about 50, singing in front of the Buddhist statue. It was so beautiful to see her devotion and outwardly show her love for what she believed in. It was very powerful. 

Not only were the Chinese great, but we met some pretty great people in our hostel, too. That's one of my favorite things about travelling this way, you get to meet people who have the same dreams as you. I could stay up talking forever with these people, learning about their lives and travels. 

This is all just a fraction of Xi'an. It was so hard to narrow down what I wanted to say just in this blog post! It was the perfect last trip in China before I head out. Which is crazy. Imma cry and miss my students. And I'm sure once I get back to America I'll have withdrawals. But I sure am excited to see my family again.

The Power of Food

Being in China has made me so much more grateful to be from America. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE China so very very much. But, I am an AaaaaMURican through-and-through. I have fallen in love with America. Rather, I have discovered the love and the patriotism that was inside of me. And it's cool to see the parallels between my first year living in Provo and this time living in China. Last year I fell in love with Kaysville. This year I fell in love with America. It's funny the things I've taken for granted in life. And just because I miss one place, doesn't mean I can't be happy where I am at right now.

Right now I feel like I'm sort of in limbo in China. The end is drawing near and I've accomplished a lot and can see how much I've grown. I've been able to visit all the places I wanted (Almost, Terracotta Warriors next week!) and have had some sweeeet experiences. So now that all that has come to pass, the next big thing is going back--to school, to family, to being social, to yummy food. And the curve for growth is decreasing in acceleration (Calculus, anyone? As if I still remembered it. HA.). The excitement and discovery and uncertainty of this adventure is slowing to a stop.

I've settled into routine, and I don't like it one bit! I wake up, go to the cafeteria in my sweats and grab some rice balls and stuffed-with-nasty scones. I pick out the nasty and dip it all in honey. I get ready...which doesn't consist of much (I'M SO EXCITED TO GET LEGIT READY BACK IN AMERICA, IT'S INSANE!). I go to classes throughout the day (and love every second of it), eat some more at the cafeteria, and then I come home. Fill my time with SOMETHING. Reading, writing, knitting (Aaaaah, yeah. The things you manage to teach yourself when you're bored!), skyping, watching movies. At first I hated all this free-time. Sometimes I still do. BUT. This is probably the last of it I'll be getting for yeeeears. So I'm being grateful. THE POINT IS. We need something to make life exciting and rev it up again--just like we used knitting/crocheting to re-excite it a couple weeks ago, haha!

How do Maddy and I break this monotony? With FOOD. Lately, we've been skipping out on the nasty cafeteria food and making our own creations! We buy fresh produce down the street for really cheap. And it is wonderful! I feel so accomplished to provide for myself yummy, healthy food that makes me feel at home. We often stoop to fast food and Oreos to satisfy our American cravings but now we've been making stuff all on our own. Having good food really is a day-maker. Especially when you make it yourself. Last year when I was in college, my mom gave me advice that my Great Grandma Moonie gave her. And it is that wherever you are, whatever your financial situation, eat like you normally would. And then half of the pain of missing home or whatever is gone! Food really is such a strong link to home and comfort. MMM! I loooooove it!

Aaaaaaaaand, P.S. My camera broke. So. You're just gonna be seeing a lot of words. And I'm too lazy to find a corresponding picture/video on the internet. And I don't feel like waiting for my slow internet to upload this said picture or video.

Thankful

In China, I was lucky to have an entire week of Thanksgiving!! Just...lookin' on the bright side of it all--of course I missed my family like crazy. This week was a great one, though. We taught our students what Thanksgiving is and the importance of gratitude. We had the little kids make turkeys and label each feather with something they are grateful for. Of course, there were the given things like mom, dad, family, friends, China, food. But I loved to see the creative ones my kids came up with, like God, tomorrow, teacher, and the earth. These kids really have the Spirit of Thanksgiving inside of them. It was so sweet to see. I'm so thankful for my students' example of love. I don't think I could've survived this experience with out them.

On actual Thanksgiving day I ate Campbell's chicken noodle soup that we got in Hong Kong. Mmmmmmmm. I was just thankful for American food. Plus, we decided to celebrate Thanksgiving this weekend. So it was alllll good in da hood.

So Saturday we visited the city and hit up KFC and got our favorite Sichuan Chicken Sandwich. Yum. Spicy. But good enough. And we walked around and sat down on the edge of a river looking at all the small Chinese houses scrunched together when a cute old lady, around 60, came up to us and started talking to us in Chinese. I could kinda guess what she was asking--the usual "where are you from? How many people in your family? How old are you? What are you doing in China?" And I could answer in my broken Chinglish but mostly I could just say "ting bu dong" which is "I don't understand." She then pointed to her head and my head and said "ting bu dong" and then pointed to our hearts and said "ting da dong." And I truly felt a connection with her, like we understood each other. I am so thankful for little experiences like that. And I'm really excited for that day when I get to see her again and we WILL be able to understand each other and remember that day sitting on the edge of the river.

Today we were planning to go to the city and continue our Thanksgiving festivites by finding a yummy, hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant to eat at. But those plans were interrupted when our friend said she was visiting with her family to meet up with us. And we've never met in person and they came to Tongcheng so they could meet us. Hahaha oh...the Chinese always spring up on you like that. So we met up with Sufei, whom I've been texting back and forth that is friends with our liaison. We drove with her grandma, parents, and Sufei to the city and her parents took us out to lunch to a VERY nice restaurant. One of those in China in a private room where they bring you at least 10 dishes and you all share and it is DELICIOUS. It was so sweet of them and they were so kind. It was nice to be with a family and you could feel the love they had for each other. They were so kind and giving. They even gave us these warmers that are filled with water that you plug into the wall, heat up, and keep you warm! Mine has a fuzzy bear on it. So even though our Thanksgiving plans got upstaged, it turned out to be even better.

 

Well said, Marcus

The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts. Marcus Aurelius

So I was talking with my dear friend and she encouraged me to share some thoughts I've been having lately. We have been going through similar situations and I shared my thoughts with her. After, she said I should share it with others because you never know when you could help someone else out, especially when so many people have helped me in return without even knowing it.  So to quote Shelby: "You have a gift, and sometimes our answers can bless the masses. Which is so cool." I hope I can help someone with my thought process. Even if it's just helping myself by sharing. I know I'm not perfect in dealing with my fellow men, but I'm trying and here are the thoughts that have been swimming in my head lately as I've been trying to sort out some feelings and situations.

One thing I've been studying lately is that each of our lives are God's. No one besides us and Him knows completely what we need for ourselves. Others can see one part of the story but may not know all the details. The thing that's really hard is being okay that they think those things because you can't change THEM either. You know and God knows what the real story is, and if you feel good about your choices, then keep walking down that path.

There have been a couple instances in my life where I have been worried about the choices that people I love had made. From my personal experiences, I have learned that pure happiness comes from being close to God and doing my best to serve Him and I felt that they needed this more in their lives. I realized that I didn't know that full story and I still don't.

I became judgmental and even disliked their character and thought the worst of them...that is where I went wrong. I let Satan in my head and heart and I allowed him to make me look down on the people I loved. Satan tried to twist my righteous desires into bitterness. I tried so hard to fight these feelings and to feel pure love like Christ--who has been wronged by every single person that He loves (aka every single person ever) and yet He still loves them entirely. And I wanted so badly to change the situation of those I love and help them lean more on the Gospel but I can't tell them to do that or else they won't see me as a friend and feel I was judging them. And I never want to make someone feel judged.

True, Satan tempts me to judge others, but I must remind myself that it is not my place. Plus, since when did judging others get anyone anywhere? Loving others is the only progressive action. Judging others only causes more damage. So all I can do is be an example and hope they will see the blessings of centering life around the Gospel. I thought that they were seeking things that were a bad influence. But I don't know the whole story and I trust their judgment enough that they know how they need to be close to God. And I'm not saying they are bad people at all, I'm just saying I don't know everything that goes on so I can't make judgement on their situation. All I can do is trust them and love them and back them up 100% no matter what happens. Even if they get hurt.  And I've learned the reverse of this situation. Not to let anyone's judgement get you down, because they don't know the whole story about you. Only you and God know.

So, what's the antidote for judging? For feeling alone? Forgotten? Unsure about how to be happy in China for 4 months without family, friends and American food? CHARITY. It "never faileth." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) It's all about love, people. Everything is about love. How else did Harry Potter become the Boy Who Lived? Lily loved him so much she sacrificed her life for him--I HAD to include that reference. But the evidence of the power of love is everywhere! So, let's color our thoughts with love so that our souls (body and mind, spirit and heart) can be beautiful too.

Wo ai Zhong Guo because...

I've been learning some Chinese! I can't read characters BUT I can speak it a little! So. I love China because...

OF THE KIDS!!! Get ready for a picture exploooosion. I can't get over how cute all these kids are. I want to take all of them home with me!

My sassy 1st graders!

Classic Kindergarten behavior haha!

Honestly, I used to hate going to Kindergarten because the kids are crazy and I'm not quite sure what the teachers want me to do...so I just play with them. And now I love it!

These are our 4th graders. They used to be just Maddy's but my 5th grade class got cancelled and now they are mine too!

The kid in the front I have named "the Jacket Stealing Bandit" because he stole my jacket and ran around the classroom and it was hilarious! I looove this picture just because of that!

This is Niki (named after none other than Niki Waite!!) And she is a ball of sunshine. Whenever she sees me she calls my name in her cute little voice!

GAH!!! I have never known cuter children in my LIFE.

We had a lesson on clothes and so they had fun dressing up! These are my cute 3rd graders. :)

I just LOVE teaching. At first, it was really hard and frustrating because I didn't know how to teach and what the kids needed from me. It's tiring and wears me out. And it's amazing how tired I get after only a few hours of teaching! I didn't know how I was going to like living in China if I didn't like teaching. But now, I love it sooo much! I look forward to going to class and being with these kids. The little kids are so fun and loving and willing to learn. They always give me drawings and little gifts. I even got a dandelion yesterday! My middle school kids are PUNKS and I aaalways lose my voice trying to calm them down but they are so fun and are soo smart and love to learn! And my high school kids are the bomb. I love joking around with them and being silly! They think I'm crazy, but we have so much fun so it's fine! I feel like I'm more their friend than a teacher. I love to hang out with them and talk to them about their secret girlfriends and boyfriends (they aren't allowed to have them at school...it's so sad!) and play games. Yesterday, we played volleyball with some girls and needless to say I fit right in because...well. Volleyball isn't their best sport in China. It's hilarious. Even the boys are terrible. And it was so fun!